Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
