shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
