We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
