You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
