I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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