Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
