Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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