Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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