so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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