I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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