and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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