I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
