i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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