Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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