yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
