I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
