Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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