i think my tv is drunk
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
