Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
