I am in a vortex of obligation.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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