Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
