Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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