so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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