Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
