After last night, I could never be a politician.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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