Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
