Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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