I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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