Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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