Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize