The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
