If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
