just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
