I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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