My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
