Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
