Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
