Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
