Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize