i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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