you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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