it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
