I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
