My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
