i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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