I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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