I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
