she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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