So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
