Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
