If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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