look no pants
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
