the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
