HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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