I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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