Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
