I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize