none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
