TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Randomize
