shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
