you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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