I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
