Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
