tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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