Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
