I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
