You made me cry and you don't even care
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
