Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
