Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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