I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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