i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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