This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
