Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
